The fly route
I'll open the bidding at $100.*
If you want my piece of history, I'd suggest you bring more than one Ben Franklin, however. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I'm auctioning off the priceless piece of baseball memorabilia that is my 2007 Royals opening day ticket stub!
A ticket stub?
Well, I'll throw in my commemorative opening day beer cup as well. It's made of plastic and is pretty sweet. No leaks.
Really folks, why not get in on the ground floor? The Royals are going places, I was there to watch and you need something to remember my trip by.
Assuming you weren't one of the 41,000 fans in attendance at Monday's opening day shellacking of the Boston Red Sox, my ticket stub is your only hope.
I know what you're asking. Why so much money for a used ticket?
What a ridiculous question, and what better way to prove you just don't get it? See, this wasn't just any opening day. This was the opening day for the soon-to-be World Series champions!
There are fewer than 35,000 of these items remaining in the entire world (assuming a few people lost theirs, a few washed them in their jeans and 1,500 dolts traded them in for a free ice cream).
Section 335, row H, seat 4 was my platform to witness history. I'll tell my kids and they'll tell their kids about the day I saw Gil Meche win the first of his games for the Royals.
We'll all laugh with the ironic mirth of champions when I tell about how Alex Gordon struck out in his first at bat (and his second) and we'll all ooh and ahh when I recount new shortstop Tony Pena Jr.'s jarring blasts to the outfield wall.
We'll giggle (a manly giggle) when I tell about poor Curt Schilling and how his vaunted Red Sox melted in the face of Royals general manager Dayton Moore's clubbin' colossus'.
We'll sing when I recount the next 161 games of the Royals season, the season that saw the great club rise up from its 22-year absence from the playoffs.
Oh, it will be great to share the memories of the greatest season ever.
And you can do it, if only you bid on this extraordinary piece of baseball history.
My kids and grandkids and their kids and grandkids will always know that I was at that game. Yours, too, can know that same feeling! Once you have my ticket, the 335-H-4 exclusive, you can pretend you were there. You can tell all the great stories as well, and everyone will think you saw the ground floor construction of the baseball skyscraper.
Don't get suckered by one of those imposter Game 2 or Game 3 ticket stubs. This is your only chance at a true original.
You can say you were there the day it all started. How rare is that?
Trust me. Pretty rare.
Here's a guarantee, to seal the deal -- when you go around telling people about your awesome purchase, they'll likely be so amazed at your luck, their jaws will hit the floor and they'll laugh uncontrollably. They'll be so jealous, they won't know what to do.
And the beer cup, it's a keeper too -- hasn't even been washed yet.
Better hurry with those bids. You'll thank me later.
- Ticket may be crumpled and smell of nachos.